we have officially lost it.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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