i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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