I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
