I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
