Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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