Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What a dumb baby whore.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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