i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
