All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
