I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
someone owes me an orgasm
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
