Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
