dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
