I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
