Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
