Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
