Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
