Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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