These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
