everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
