i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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