i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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