It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
