Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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