I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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