So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
