alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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