I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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