Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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