3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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