Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
