I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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