Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
