census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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