The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
