she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
