I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
