She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
