and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
