She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
