Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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