it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I came so hard my ears popped.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
