so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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