i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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