he fucked my hip out of place.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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