every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
