woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
nutella sex= disaster
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
