can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
