If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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