who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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