I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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