I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
