chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it was like eating out sand paper
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
