I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
